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March 13, 2002
This came over the internet - from whence it
sprung - I have no idea.
If you recognize it and know the author -
let me know.
If you have things that should be added to
the list --- haven't we all --- send them to me!
I've already added some of my own observations.
25 things you should have learned by the
time you have
reached middle age.
1. If you're too open-minded, your brains
will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian,
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car
.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for
natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick
the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room
with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the
notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and
opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture,
you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice
the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of
your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing
the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going
than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years
and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than
you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables
you to recognize a mistake when you make it again
.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they
move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides
a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt
look fat.
26. If you are happy and successful in your
job, it's time to update your resume.
27. An annual raise isn't.
28. Cost-of-Living increases will always fail
to meet your expectations.
29. Unemployment insurance is just like any
other insurance - it will not cover actual expenses.
30. Never fear, children who leave home when
they feel like it, return.
31. See's dark chocolate IS soul food.
32. You can only lift your eyes twice before
they stay permanently open so plan accordingly.
33. By the time you think that you have caught
up with technology, somebody invents something.
34. Just when you plan on retiring, they
increase the minimum age.
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